A few hours after court, and becoming the legal parent of a child I had still not seen with my own eyes, it was time to head to the orphanage for the first visit. The van ride to the outskirts of Addis was familiar. Although not the same orphanage, I remember the feeling well – the day I met Luke and became a Mother for the first time. Nervous energy filled the van. It was nice to be with the other two families, for moral support if nothing else. We talked about gifts we had brought and who would video tape who as they met their child for the first time. The guard opened the gates and we were motioned into a waiting area of sorts. The first child to come down was a very quiet baby. The new parents were overjoyed and held their precious bundle. The next kids to come down were a sibling set – two gorgeous boys aged 4 and 12. They slowly began a conversation with their new family, though a translator, and all seemed calm. The calm was short lived.
The sound was piercing and arrived long before he did. My 2 year old ball of energy was doing all he could to escape the arms of his caregiver. He knew what was going on and was not having any of it. This place was all he knew and there was no way he was leaving this joint! I was strangely calm. Again, this is something you are prepared for. Toddlers do not do well with this kind of thing. I caught a glimpse of him as he briefly entered the room. In a flash he was gone. He was just too upset. The director summoned for Luke. He was asked to go upstairs and play with him, but clearly, I was not. Luke felt very important, as he got to meet his brother before I did. Again, I was calm…..this was somewhat expected. After a while, we tried again. Still no luck. He did, however, have a couple of moments where he seemed just plain old tired of crying. I approached slowly and offered him a candy. He took it and, while focusing on getting the candy into his little mouth, I was able to plant a soft kiss on his forehead. But that was it. The crying began again and I asked for him to be taken back upstairs. He had been through enough for one day. I sat with the other families who were all playing with their kids. We chuckled over who was supposed to video me meeting my little guy for the first time. There was no video. There was no photo. I didn’t even get to hold him. But tomorrow would be another day.
As I was leaving the orphanage, I reminded the director that I had planned to do a series of visits this week, until the little guy was familiar with me. I wanted the transition to be smooth….and after today, it was clear we needed more time. She turned and said, “No, you will take him out tomorrow. In my experience this is the best. In a few days, he will be fine.” Gulp. Luke and I immediately booked out of our bare bones guesthouse and checked into the Hilton Hotel Apartments. If I wanted to survive the next few days, I needed comfort and modern conveniences. We enjoyed our last night as a family of two, sharing a king sized bed. Luke slept like a baby and I stared at the ceiling.
1 comment:
Jan, like everyone else, I get very misty - and sometimes downright teary - reading your blog. I would like to encourage you not only to continue to blog this new life, but to consider turning it into a book afterwards. You are not only an amazing mother, but a wonderful writer. More people need to be exposed to your process and your prose. "Luke slept like a baby, and I stared at the ceiling."
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